meditating = napping

So I got one of those philosopher/cab driver combos on my way to the Hall of Justice this morning. I like saying Hall of Justice. I don't know that they actually dispense much justice there, and in my experience it was more a hall of sitting around and waiting, but it's sounds extremely important. Didn't the Super Friends have their hide-out in the Hall of Justice? Am I making this up?

Anyway, I was going to take the bus, but it was raining and cold, so I rationalized that it would be worth $11 not to expose myself to the elements (what else was I going to spend that money on? I can't buy sandwiches or pizza anymore, so what else is there for me?). And I'm glad I did because my cab driver was really great. We talked about the weather, and I talked about how the rain makes me sad, and he said it shouldn't because the rain has a consciousness, or is aware of the consciousness of the people around it or something, and it doesn't want me to be sad. Have you heard of this? The driver was telling me about this Japanese researcher, Masuru Emoto, who looked at ice crystals formed in different emotional environments, or when exposed to different words or thoughts or pictures. I like the idea of it, although I don't even want to try to delve into the "science" behind it. It does not change the fact that I don't like walking my dog in the rain, and I don't like the fact that my window is leaking. But we need the rain.

The driver also mentioned his philosophy of living in the present, and the fact that he only works three days a week and spend the rest of his time surfing and hiking and doing whatever he wants. I could never be a cab driver because driving stresses me out, but I have met a few who seemed really content and mentally healthy. I wonder if there's something to that. Maybe I just meet more cab drivers than other types of people. Possibly toll booth workers are similarly self-actualized, but I've just never had the chance to talk to one.

I am feeling crappy about my writing. I am accustomed to taking classes with people who are more well-read than I am, and that seems okay because presumably some day I could "catch up", if I read enough, but since there are also older people taking my online course, they all seem to be quite a bit wiser, more worldly, more insightful than I am. I guess this is the same "what have I done with my life?" topic I've been harping on all week, but it's something I'm having a hard time with. That and my grammar. You can end sentences with prepositions these days, right? Soul searching just seems to make me sleepy. I suppose I am wanting things to be too easy. What I have been doing has been easy, in a way, and maybe it is laziness as much as fear that has prevented me from trying to be happier or pursuing things I want. That's it, I guess. But I have to think I wouldn't be so tired and lazy if there was something worth staying awake for. Something worthwhile for which to stay awake. Never mind.

Joshua taught me about subjunctive today. Not in Russian, but in English. I didn't actually know the rule, I just sort of happened to get it right often enough that no one bothered to correct me. Goals of becoming a writing instructor seem sillier than ever.