So I've been called back for jury duty. I was hoping they would forget about me, but they didn't. I'm sort of in a "not interacting with other people" mode right now, and being on a jury doesn't fit into those plans. When I went a month ago I developed a crush on the guy sitting next to me because he was reading Crazyhorse, and had dark hair and some sort of eyes, and I decided he was clever and well-read and probably had a very thin girlfriend with perfectly straight bangs, and he got up and when he came back he didn't sit next to me, so somehow I must have creeped him out despite not talking to him or looking at him except with the very periphery-ist of my peripheral vision. Anyway, all of this took place in about the first 15 minutes, and then I was there for another 4 hours just noticing how grumpy everyone looked, and how sad I was, and how much I wished I had a Crazyhorse of my own. So I'm not going to be attracted to anyone this time because it's just too traumatic. I can't take that kind of rejection. And I'm going to bring something to read instead of a bunch work crap.
I guess I'm also going to try to start "hanging out" again. At least until I get sick of it. The idea of hermitting away was to be more productive, but I just find myself lurking on Facebook and writing stupid blogs and staring at my dog wondering why she looks so sad. So I'll go out and drink a little and then be depressed and hungover and hopefully write. That's what I did in college, so I see no reason why it wouldn't work now.
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