restlessness

Feels like grad school is on the back-burner at the moment. Work has gotten out of control again, and I am having a hard time doing anything other than sleeping. Which is not to say that I am depressed. I am not depressed. I am relatively happy, but I require sleep. Lots of sleep. And my job requires me to be awake. So you see my dilemma. And the online writing course I'm taking is almost entirely a bust. Book club is fun though. Maybe my career goal should be to do something that's like Book Club instead of teaching writing classes. What job is like Book Club though?

My dog and I are restless. She is turning around in circles on my bed and chewing on my comforter. I am endlessly daydreaming about quitting my job and checking my gmail 83 times a day. I hate to see us like this.

bad student, bad worker

So my online writing class isn't going badly, per say. But it's not going as I had planned either. I'm enjoying reading the posts from the other students, and the exercises are getting me to think about my stories in slightly different ways, which is a very good thing when your brain has been digging away at the same pointless ditch for five years. So it's all good, but it's just making me sad. I can't do work without feeling like I'm neglecting my writing, and I can't write without feeling like I'm neglecting my work. And I am ALWAYS neglecting my dog, who just sleeps on my bed and looks up expectantly at me whenever I go to get a drink of water. I have no social life, but if I did, I'd be neglecting that as well. Seriously, what am I doing wrong? Other people have a better handle on this, right?

I got a book from the library called Simplify Your Work Life. It's almost square in shape, which does not bode well for it's content, in my experience. Useful books should be rectangular, and have very dull cover art. Paperback is best, because if it's really wise, you'll want to carry it with you, right? So this book is going to suck, but I'll read it anyway, just in case.

working for a living

Oh my. I actually worked a full day today, no goofing off and no Facebook or other distractions. Being onsite is good for that. I do, apparently, still have a little bit of a work ethic, but only for work I don't actually think is particularly important. I guess someone has to do it. I guess.

Joshua has informed me that my Russian lessons will be starting in earnest tomorrow. I honestly can't remember the alphabet. Italian isn't going much better -- I know a handful of words (colors, body parts, and articles of clothing, mostly -- nothing useful). What I actually might need to say in Italian would be "Does this have gluten?" and "Why are you laughing at me?" Of course I'll be happy just to drink wine and read some books. I can eat some tomatoes or something.

I'm still waffling about my plans for travels to Ukraine or wherever else. I suppose I have a few months to figure out what I'm doing, but as I have never actually made my own plans before, it seems a daunting task. The only person who seems willing to make plans for me this time around is my mother, and obviously she is disqualified. Am off to the weird doctor again tomorrow. Perhaps he'll have a new theory, or some new advice that I can ignore. We take what we can get.